ADHD Support: Relationships

Some children, teenagers and young people find it easy to meet people but harder to maintain friendships. Others prefer one or two close relationships, online friendships or connection through shared activities. Friendship does not have to look one particular way.

• Support interests as a natural route to connection.
• Make plans clear: where, when, who, how long and what happens if plans change.
• Practice direct phrases without scripting a different personality.
• Allow recovery after social activity.
• Take bullying, exclusion and loneliness seriously.

Relationship strengths

Some young people bring enthusiasm, humour, loyalty, honesty, creativity, emotional openness, a strong sense of fairness or deep engagement in shared interests. Not everyone will identify with the same qualities.

Repeated reminders, routines, forgotten belongings, transitions, sibling needs and strong emotions can create stress for the whole family. Support for parents and carers should not imply that ADHD was caused by poor parenting.

• Use clear, realistic expectations and practical supports.
• Protect positive time that is not focused on behaviour or performance.
• Avoid comparisons between siblings.
• Explain that fair support does not always mean identical support.
• Return to conflict after everyone has enough capacity to think.

Children, teenagers and young people with ADHD may receive frequent correction. Over time, they may expect disappointment, become anxious about mistakes, hide difficulty, become defensive, shut down or believe that they are the problem.

A cycle that can develop:

1. ADHD-related difficulty.
2. Repeated correction.
3. Shame, anger or overwhelm.
4. Less capacity to listen, remember or repair.
5. More conflict.

Breaking the cycle does not mean ignoring harm. It means addressing what happened without attacking the child’s identity.

Adults can reduce unnecessary correction, give feedback privately, notice effort and repair, and apologise when they have spoken harshly.

• Draft a message somewhere else before sending during conflict.
• Mute notifications or take a planned pause.
• Ask directly rather than guessing what a short message means.
• Avoid resolving major disagreements only by text.
• Save evidence and tell a trusted adult if there is bullying, harassment or threats.

• Wait until people have enough capacity to think and communicate.
• Describe what happened and listen to each person’s experience.
• Identify whether anyone was hurt, frightened or treated unfairly.
• Take responsibility for specific actions without shaming the person.
• Agree what support or change may help next time.

An apology does not mean that the emotion was wrong. It means recognising the effect of an action and working to rebuild safety.

Healthy relationships allow both people to feel safe, be themselves, have separate interests, set boundaries, say yes or no freely and disagree without fear. Consent must be freely given and can be changed at any time. Nobody owes another person passwords, images, physical affection or constant access.

When a relationship does not feel safe:

• Threats, humiliation or repeated insults.
• Control over friends, clothing, passwords or location.
• Pressure to do things the young person does not want.
• Sharing private messages or images.
• Physical or sexual harm.
• Gifts or attention followed by demands.
• An older person encouraging secrecy.
• Threatening self-harm to stop the young person leaving.

Encourage the young person to tell a trusted adult. Adults should act on safeguarding concerns rather than making the young person manage the risk alone.